Monday, October 16, 2006
10:33 pm
When I was in kindergarten, I wanted to be a firefighter. Cos my friends at kindergarten were mostly boys, and
they wanted to be firemen. Or I could be a policewoman. Either one. If I joined the police, I'd wear a smart uniform and everyone would listen to me.
When I was in Year 2, I wanted to be a lawyer. Everyone was telling me that I should be a lawyer, cos of how much I argued and how much I loved to argue just about anything and everything. I thought it was so cool that you could make a job out of arguing. And make lots of money while you were at it.
In Year 3, I wanted to be an actress. Because the actresses on TV were pretty, and I thought that if I was an actress, I'd be pretty. And everyone would know me, and say hi to me on the street. Plus, you got so much money from filming something that looked like so much fun to film!
By Year 4, I realised how silly I was wanting to be an actress. From Year 4 onwards, I told everyone who asked that I didn't know what I wanted to be. I considered things: I could be an astronomer, an athlete, a doctor...but they all lost their appeal really quick.
Year 6. I got into RG and I couldn't believe it. I thought that since I went to the best primary school (yes SCP was the best!) and the best high school, I ought to try and make it to the best uni. I had to go to some big and famous uni in the UK or US like my cousin Andrew, who was doing med at Cambridge. Never mind the job yet, just get to the uni.
Nearly 6 years later...here I am at the start of Year 12. The Ivy League and co are
definitely out of my league (although I guess it was nice to dream for a while). I still don't know exactly what I want to do, although I
have identified my interests (at least of this moment) and selected the course and the uni, which is...well...combined International Studies & Law at Sydney Uni.
I am actually really excited about starting the course...it just looks so, so interesting, especially the international studies practicum, where they attach you to a govt-org/NGO overseas (depending on what global issues are taking place) and you get to follow in the daily operations of the organisation, etc etc, as an intern. The core subject outlines look really interesting too...well to me at least, and they would be to you if you were interested in politics and issues like human rights, etc. What exactly I would do after finishing this degree, I have no idea, but I think it's something along the lines of working for the UN or an NGO, doing something to do with diplomacy and/or humanitarian causes.
I usually get written off as idealistic, whenever I tell people what I want to do. They tell me to plan what I will do once my idealistic fervour wears off.
To be honest, I'm afraid that it will. I'm afraid that one day I might realise that what I want is not a role in helping people most of whom I will never meet. Maybe one day I will want to settle down and get married and have kids and live a quiet little humdrum life in some pleasant and peaceful town. You know? Or I might realise that I was indeed idealistic and give up hope - the system is just too weak and governments are just too corrupt. For now, these options sound to me passive and boring and lacking in the kind of attitude that achieves anything for humanity. But what if I get tired? What if?
In any case, I have a
longgg way to go. Haha. Look how far I've come. From firefighting to diplomacy. Who knows maybe in 20 years I'll be doing something completely different again, like banking, or real estate, or something else bizarre. But for now, HSC. Righty-o.