I've had a relatively horrible day. I know that life is a series of ups and downs, but mine moves up and down way too quickly. I'm losing track of everything. The only thing I can focus on sometimes is just how messy everything is, how badly I suck at managing my life, how tired I am, how far away I am from where I'm supposed to be. I pray and I pray but nothing happens and I can't help but wonder why He has not come to hold my hand. After a while I start wondering if maybe my prayers were not truly sincere. Maybe there were other things I needed to get right first. Maybe there are other barriers, whatever they are. But since when has God needed criteria to save anyone? When He saves, He saves - it is entirely out of His grace, not out of what that person has ever done. I am really depending on this grace now, because I don't know what I would do without. I don't know where else to go.