Monday, April 24, 2006 11:05 pm

[Warning: ultra-long post]

Chrysalis was so awesome.

To be honest I didn't think it was quite so awesome until nearly the end...I mean I was having fun getting to know these cool people and all but I really just wanted God. But I was after...I don't know...a spiritual high or something. Something temporary that I knew wouldn't last but wanted anyway, to you know, put me out of my misery a little while. I was trying to fill the void with God, but I was making God tend to me rather than vice versa. I went in with all these problems that I expected Him to fix. I expected Him to fix it in a certain way and when I didn't see it happening that way, I got frustrated with Him. I was still so confused, I wanted Him, and I had this nagging feeling I was going about it the wrong way. Had no idea what to do.

Man, I'm not even sure how He got through to me in the end! But He made Himself real to me even without all those 'warm fuzzy' feelings that so often delude us. He made Himself real to me in the everyday situation. He'd let me stumble in the dark so He could teach me how to walk steadily in that dark.

Ahhhhh I could never properly describe what He has done so let me end here for now! I have so many thank you's to do! But the biggest is to my Lord Jesus. For the unrelenting love no matter how many times I betray Him, no matter how many more nails I pierce into His skin. For a joy I can hardly believe can be mine.

And...Thank you!!!!

Tim Everist, ever SO much. You have always been there. What would I do without your friendship, seriously! And thanks for pushing me into Chrysalis. For all those prayers. You know I am still in shock. I can't believe you got me SO many letters from all these people you don't even know!!! I owe you so much dude. For everything.

Kristy Johnson, you angel!!! For watching out for me, for just being there to listen, for all the prayers, for the gazillion hugs, for the singing sessions, for lending me stuff, for giving me stuff, for driving me back, for being someone I could call up at 3am if I needed to. =)

The Flying Malmecengels! Emma Wilcockson, Glenda Christie, Claire Jago, Melissa Ho, Natalie Landman. For all the honest sharing. I have learnt a lot from all your stories...it's been really heartening. And all our made-up songs rock. I can't wait to see you guys at the reunion!

Ivan Tan. Just for the record, your letter was the longest. Came from the longest distance away too. You weirdo, I can't believe you actually wrote it out and even thought of co-ordinating the font!! =D I know you're really busy...so yea I truly appreciate it. And yes, we will definitely do the crazily long phone calls again!

Arezu Akbarian and Emma Holland!!! I love you guys so much!!! I can't believe you actually stayed up all night to do that!! Just so you know, you both made me cry and laugh at the same time. Omg it was so embarrasing the noise I was making! I thought I was alone and then later when I stood up I saw Andrew Jago sitting on the ledge a couple of metres above me! Haha. Btw you both look so darn pretty in the photos!

Dennis Chan. The big brother I am so proud of. How did you get it in handwritten from New Zealand so quick! I hope you are taking good care of yourself over there! Well I know God is anyway, even if you aren't. :P Thanks so much for being the best bro I could ask for. Really really!

Ashleigh Kwak. I am truly so so glad to have you as a friend. And being one of the people who understand me so easily, and one of the rare few I could talk to about anything, I'm sure you know that already. =) I will be in touch with you soon!

Janice "Thumb". :P Haha when I saw that I was like yup! Definitely Jan! Oh man I really miss you girl. Thanks so much for the letter. For being a part of some of my best memories. You're right...things have changed...but your friendship has and will always be special and unique to me too. =)

Gosh this is hardly a quarter of the people I want to thank!! The stack of letters were soo fat! I wish I could say everything I want to say here. I really do appreciate every single letter. Maybe I'll continue the thank-yous next time. Man, this is by far the longest post I've done in a while!