Wednesday, January 11, 2006
11:56 pm
I've been continually so happy these few days!! =D Haha I know this sounds funny but I'm really not too used to feeling happy for so long. :P
See I've always wanted God to be my bestest and closest friend...and it's always been hard - I mean God
is intangible and all. I've been telling myself for a long while that He is but I don't think I've ever quite treated Him so. But now, at this point in my life, I can truly say that He
is my closest friend...my nearest and dearest. It's been so crazy since it's like a whole new world. The life I'm living now feels different from the life I lived last week. Yes I know how cliche this sounds but I mean every bit of it! I'm talking being in His presence all day long! Aaahhh I love Him so much I'm gonna burst!
Explaining what I meant in my previous entry:
I'm gonna stop hiding who I am. Because if you wanna know who I am, this is it: I am something precious to God. My whole life - is about God. My whole being - belongs to Jesus Christ. Because after so much has happened I've come to realise that there really is no other way to live. Everything else just leaves me empty and unsatisfied and angry at everything. And right now, every day away from Jesus feels like a wasted day that might as well not have happened. But every day with Him - each day is full and has meaning and leaves me rejoicing inside even as I'm going to sleep.
For so long now I've been hiding. Because I used to hide everything. It's why I've never really completely opened up to anyone. I guess it was just insecurity. I could hide my feelings, my fears, my hopes, my opinions, everything, but I just can't hide Jesus. I can't hide Him and what He's done for me.
Sometimes when I decide my blog needs to (finally) be updated, I come and open up this page on blogger, and then I can't decide anything to say, cos the things that mean something to me that I wanna talk about, well, they would just get me labelled as some religious freak, by people who don't experiencially understand what I mean.
But I'm going to stop caring about what those people think. And even if I do care, I'm going to speak my mind anyway. Cos I've decided it's just too confusing to be me, if I refuse to show what really matters to me.
God matters to me.
Enough to change the way I live and enough to change who I am.