Monday, January 02, 2006
11:49 pm
Everyone's been doing their reflections of 2005. Mine's a teeny bit late I suppose, but here it is!
It
feels like 2005 slipped right past me.
I remember that even at the beginning of december in 2004, I had so many things to say about the year, so many things I'd learned. This year, I mean, last year, when I finally realised the new year was going to be upon me, I looked back on the year to find that nothing much had changed. I'd not done much with the year. It was like the year might as well not have gone past. The problems I had at the beginning of 05 are still here...so are a few of the questions.
But looking more closely...I realise that I'm not as afraid now. The reason that I was so slow to realise the change was because the change was so slow. 2004 was me really actually getting to know Jesus..no wonder the huge impact. 2005 was God slowly and gradually building me up. Come to think of it, it's been so systematic. Problem, fall, cry-out, pick-up, learn. Problem, fall, cry-out, pick-up, learn. All year round. It amazes me how long I take to learn something...how patient God is with me...and still how quickly I can forget.
But I've gotten over my weaknesses...there is a much better outlet than blaming myself and feeling pathetic - thank God! More than ever I feel like I'm covered...no matter what...no matter how badly I keep screwing up.
In all my crying out and longing to be so so close to God...I never actually grasped that all the while He wanted to be close to me too! I want him
so bad...just to think that he wants me - all of me - even more. It's immeasurable! When I finally realised this it suddenly became so apparent...all that's He's done to show me...all this while...
If my Lord wants me near, what could keep me from Him?
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)
Do you know what the best news was for me?
Not even me. Not even my weaknesses will keep Him from me. And He doesn't stop telling me. =D
I know people always ask, "If God is real, why doesn't He just show Himself?" "I've prayed. Nothing happens." "I don't feel Him. You must just be imagining Him." "I want to know Him too! I really do want to know Him. I just can't find Him."
Please don't despair. I know what it's like. I've been there. But don't give up! Because you'll be giving up on the best thing that would ever happen to you. Christianity is not so much a religion as it is a
relationship. Remember...relationships take time...big-time commitment...sharing your heart as well as listening. We can't just say we want Him...our actions have to say so too.
I'm probably not the best person to be preaching this stuff about relationships...but I do believe I'm getting better =) What I meant to say was...get to know Him as you would a friend...your closest friend...even closer than the most perfect lover you could imagine...cos that's what He is! And you'll find yourself walking into the light...
I'm excited about what the year is gonna hold for so many people...and for me. =)