Wednesday, November 16, 2005
12:37 am
I've come to one conclusion over the past few months:
I suck at relationships.
Any kind at all.
Fortunately I came to another conclusion:
It's okay.
I've had a good day today. Lots of laughs. =)
Still good despite the cold
despite the rain
despite the fact that my hat got ran over by a car and is now in shreds.
(on one side anyway)
Rez and Em wrote me a note and passed it to me during recess.
It was so sweet it made my day =)
I love my Rezzle and Emma!!! <3
I'm starting to get unwilling to leave PLC.
And I'm starting to get scared of the whole new school thing.
Just a teeny bit.
Plus I'm really loving my new classes with new people!
Math is the only class where the people haven't changed
but then I love my math buddies! =)
We had year assembly after math today and we decided to sit together.
All our other separate groups came up and were like,
"What are you doing? Sit with us!"
And we just went, "
No!! Math group!!"
We got so many weird looks. Haha.
*Sigh*
Why do things always get better just when I'm about to leave?
Like how O.C. came up after I left CCMC in Singapore.
Like how FISH is gonna be so awesome next year when I'm gone.
Like how I always get closer to people right before I have to leave.
Especially like the last one.
How often does friendship survive distance and time?
Do good friends have to see each other often?
What makes good friends good friends?
I remember when I was younger...
We always used to spend Christmas in Malaysia with Shaun and Sharlene.
We were practically the best of friends,
even though we only saw each other once a year for a few weeks at a time.
There's Ivan.
He's still one of my best friends
even thougb he lives on the other side of the globe
and we only talk once every couple of months.
In contrast:
People that I now see every week, or even every day, I am not close to.
I am not close to many around me.
Sometimes we barely know what to say to each other.
I get it at school often.
You know that feeling?
I hate it.
And sometimes I get it with someone who is with me 24/7.
God.
Sometimes I don't know what to say to Him.
Not that I have nothing to say, I do.
It's just something about the mundaneness of everyday life, maybe,
that creeps into relationships and transforms them.
It's why this relationship takes so much working.
Like marriages.
There are so many cases where the romance just seeps out slowly over the dull humdrum of everyday life.
Maybe it's something about getting too used to a person?
No...
I don't know.
Hmm my head is a bit of a whirlwind right now.
Actually, I'm just searching for a reason not to blame me.
Maybe it's not me who's screwing up everything.
Maybe it was just...
...what else could it be?
I know I'm kinda mixing two questions together here. I don't really feel like voicing the second question but I guess reading this already gives you an idea.
Pulling God into the question always changes things altogether.
It makes things easier somehow.
But it seems just as hard to bear.
Oh dear I'm not making sense anymore.
Or maybe I am making sense but I can't get my head around yet another paradox.
I hate how I don't give me any rest.
Why do I always go and make things so complicated!