Tuesday, June 14, 2005
9:59 pm
Bec's msn nickname just made me realise: only 8 days of school left until the hols!! =D One of which is a history excursion. Yes!! And only couple of days more until I turn 16 and I can drive! And it's only less than 3 weeks until the Hillsong Conference!! I am so looking forward to this holiday!
On the downside, plenty of deadlines and assessments leading up to freedom day. And my killer headaches aren't going away. I really hope they're gone by the hols.
Anyway, we had a debate during English today. I discovered that I have a taste for debating. So I've decided, I'm gonna join debating next year if I'm still in PLC. (Story behind that I'd rather not go into.)
Jess came over after school today. Believe it or not, we got
lost on the way. If you knew how
direct the Pymble-Turramurra route was you would understand what I'm on about. Jess wanted to walk and since I am in dire need of exercise (I missed netball this morning!) I agreed. Would all have gone well except Jess wanted to go the back way - which was fine really, until we came to the Pacific Highway. We didn't recognise it so we thought it was some back road. Jess said we should go right, I said we should go left. We ended up going right, turning back and going left, then going in this big loop through a residential area, and after ages and ages, ending up right back where we started from. And
then we realised we were on the Pacific Highway.
Oh well. We got the exercise, alright.
And hey. Is freedom a feeling? Because I think I feel free. It's weird, I know. I don't even know what's changed with my situations, but somehow I feel changed. I don't see how it could have happened. And I had kinda already stopped thinking about what happened those couple of months ago, so this is taking me by surprise.
(If you are Tim, Ivan, Bec, Maya, Adam or Von, you would know what I'm talking about.)
I know it can't be just a feeling. Maybe it's just an effect of the actual thing. But how do I know it is even freedom. And the openness. I experienced this whole change in attitude and I didn't even notice myself changing. I suppose that's the beauty of it.
But what if it's neither. What if I'm simply feeling some strange new mood.
(I'm arguing with myself, oh dear. Don't mind me.)
...but then again, what does it matter? So what if it freedom, and so what if it is not? It is here, is it not what matters? Who cares about naming the condition?
Either way though, it is undeniably to do with God. I have been surprised at myself these couple of days. Because - this has never happened so much before - I continually find myself overflowing with praise. Isn't it a strange thing? And is it not beautiful?
None of the issues I was facing before have disappeared or even look like they are remotely on the path to resolution. But suddenly the heart is so focussed and so joyful and so thankful...
I don't understand feelings. I guess I never have. But I love this.