Thursday, September 30, 2004
10:22 pm
can't believe how little is needed to shake me off track.
it's hell trying to do this on my own. sometimes, just when i think i've gotten something right, and things are looking up, i screw up. then i pick up and keep going, then i fall. then i pick up and keep going, then i fall. when i stay down, i feel horrible about myself. when i pick up, i feel bad anyway, cause i
know it's just a matter of time before i'm down again.
i wish people weren't so fallible.
but that's just the way it is, huh. that's how God wants it to be.
you know, i'm not so sure if i want to live eternally, even if i am going to. i'm tired. why can't it just end, and end right there.
err don't get the wrong message here. i am NOT suicidal, ok? i
do value my life and the price at which it was bought. it's just - well never mind. time to steer off this topic.
new music on the blog - it's one of the lord of the rings soundtracks. i especially like the bit just around the middle. decided to put it up because it just sounded so...peaceful. not tranquil, not happy, peaceful.
i think it's pretty amazing how much music can express in comparison to words. true enough sometimes words are meaningful, but the music itself can kind of...hold memories, in a way words cannot. do you get what i'm saying? it can hold so many feelings at once. it's like you can hear peace, relief, bitterness, hardship and silent triumph, all at the same time. and it can bring back that same heart-wrenching feeling brought about by what that memory means to you. i applaud you if you can come close to putting that into words.